ramadhan the first with love

yesterday which was first of ramadhan, a friend of mine's grandmother,passed away.and what's more,she died after we finished our solat tarawih here in melbourne,which means,sana kat malaysia,it would have been during maghrib;which means betul2 the start of ramadhan.may that be the best for her. from Allah we came and to Allah we'll return.definitely.al-fatihah..

one thing i realised early this year kan,when my sister nisa was sent to hospital was,that it hurt me so badly to know that she was suffering in pain.even though i wasnt even there to see her cry,or to witness the operation and all,the thought of her "feeling" the pain and being frightened, the thought of me unable to do anything to ease her burden and share the kesakitan,and the thought of her having to go through all those scary stages of operation alone,and most importantly,the though of how my mum is feeling,were enough for me to be disturbed every single day and to cry as well.i have always wanted (and "tried" though many many many countless times failed) to be the one whom my sisters can turn to,and seek advice from etc.and the feeling of unable to save nisa then, was seriously terribly saddening,almost like a failure of myself.

anyway,back to what i realised hehe,it was that,what if i can see nisa suffering from death itself?that would be more traumatic kot,to the power of infinity.lets say she dies (ya Allah panjangkanlah umur adikku) if i can actually see and know how she is being questioned,how she is being treated by the malaikats and etc...and the fact of how multipliedly frightened she'll be, coz she'll have to experience all that alone without suport too,imply how much MORE helpless i will be nanti.i cant imagine how i am going to feel if i ever be given the chance to witness THAT.

if we see someone whom we have loved and taken care of,whom we have groomed from kecik sampai besar,whom we have helped and protected from harm,if we see that someone being tortured nanti (na'uzubillah)..that would surely excruciatingly disturb us so much more than if we see him or her being tortured by a painful illness here on earth kan?clearly humans are so powerless,not just for their family but even for our own selves.how FRUSTRATING is that?..see how much we actually need Allah's forgiveness and blessings and help?.

may my friend's grandmother be given forgiveness,dan dimudahkan urusannya.amin~

and happy fasting everyone!
happy fasting aleen,fatin,kay,fida,jiha,maryam,aiman,pau,amien,mirul,khairul,osem,hafiz!!
happy fasting bila,ain,ejan,suha,piya,che nat,pikah,kuya,nana,sya.
happy fasting hannah,ainin,zuhra,awin,tihah,mek yah!
i love you all.

BY THE WAY!!its almost spring here!weeeeeeeeeeee.new leaves are popping out.one time ni i walked along a pathway with trees and flowers along both sides,and omg,the air actually smells!
i was like,"wait,am i just imagining this, but is the pollen-concentration betul2 high?" gile jakun.
here are some pictures i took of half blooming/already bloomed flowers on the way to uni=D
have no idea the names of these plants,i should go check them out.and there are a lot more photos,maybe i'll upload them later.cheers!!!!






n

of personalities i guess.

i didnt understand the meaning of loving someone for Allah when i was younger.i kept wondering how on earth can i love my parents and siblings because of Allah,when even if nobody tells me to,i will still love them wholeheartedly.the love comes naturally without me having to find a reason for it.

thats when my dad told me once,masa kat kampung in pahang,that i cant love him and my mum more than i love Allah,cause they're not going to last.only Allah would.he specifically said that,if he's dead,mak might marry another man,and when he's dead,how is he going to love me?if i'm dead,mak and ayah might still remember me,but what is love anymore at that time?and when we meet again in the land after,we'll be fighting for our own sake,no longer shall we protect those whom we had loved,and so yes,where's the love then?

ayah's words really got me thinking.i was hurt at first,coz i have always imagined that mak and ayah's love for each other would surpass anything haha.well,a typical kid would always feel that the parents' marriage is filled with love and to live happily ever after ha ha.thats when i came across this link.and someone else told me yesterday,that its because Allah has implanted the love and care feelings in the hearts of our parents,if not for Him then our parents might not be the ones we knoe today,thus enough reason why we should put Allah as the reason why we love them.

anyways,

my father always say,
jgn compromise your religion,if you're prohibited by your religion,
then prohibit yourself,if you're allowed by your religion,then allow yourself.
kita kene tau apa yg boleh and apa yg tak boleh,and once dah tau,tak ada kompromi dah.

my daddy always say,
discipline kan your daily life,baru la hidup senang.
jgn menyusahkan org lain,
nnti tak ada org suka pd kita..

my father always say,
remember all the do'as and shalawats i've taught you,
ensure that you read them after every prayers.jgn lupa.

my daddy always say,
buat baik dgn org,jgn buruk sangka and cari gaduh ngn org,
kita mana tau,mungkin one time nnti we need their help,
we wouldnt know siapa.

my father always say,
pegangan kita alQur'an and hadith nabi je,
pegang je kuat2 those two and you'll be safe.

my daddy always say,
time management tu penting,kalau ada homework,
make sure siapkan awal2,baru la tgk tv ke,keluar ke..

my father always say,
the way to instill time management skills,
is by always menepati waktu solat.
masuk waktu je,sembahyang terus.

my daddy always say,
dalam doa,always doakan your adik2,
jgn untuk diri sendiri je..

my father always say,
a good woman will get a good man,
all you have to do is be good.

my daddy always say,
jgn sombong and ingat kita kaya sgt,sebenarnya kita tak,
senang je Allah nak tarik balik whatever He has given us..

my father always say,
jgn tido sebelum solat 'isya.

my daddy always say,
whatever it is,study is your priority,its a competitive world out there,
the economy is on the downturn,unemployment is on the rise,
clever people are everywhere.

my father always say,
jgn ever lose faith in Allah,kalau lepas the faith,
Allah pun might lepaskan kita.

my daddy always say,
baca buku2 ayah tu..

my father always say,
masa belajar ni,kalau ada masa free,tak payah keluar party,
tak payah cari kerja,just baca buku,baca alQur'an..

my daddy always say,
when you're overseas,tak payah spend byk money on clothes ke apa,
cukup je ngn apa yg ada.

by the end of the day,my fatherly daddy always say,
ingat Allah,jaga maruah diri and agama,i love you Awa.

my mother always say,
speak in english please!!why go overseas and still speaking to me in malay?

my mummy always say,
i love you Awa.

my mother always say,
save duit,make sure bank always ada
enough money for an emergency ticket home.

my mummy always say,
i love you Awa.

my mother always say,
call home byk2 kali

my mummy always say,
i love you Awa.

my mother always say,
eat lots of fruits and vitamins,makan byk2

my mummy always say,
i love you.

my mother always say,
pakaian must be smart,jgn serebeh..

my mummy always say,
if mak and ayah are gone,you as the bigger sister,
must always jaga adik2,be responsible towards them,
help them and protect them..

by the end of the day,all that my motherly mummy say is
i love you very much.

i think my parents are distincly two different people who show their love in soo different ways.my ayah would always give the ceramah nasihat one and look at me straight in the eye,while my mum would be the more relaxed one,strict yes,but now more "like me" haha.my ayah has always inspirationally touched me in ways making me feel that i'm still so far away from the daughter he hoped me to be.i love him for that.and my mum,well,as mothers do,expressively touched me in ways that i feel her unconditional love.as me and my siblings grew,i discovered that their way of expressing love becomes more flexible and more desperate.for instance,my dad's motivations and advice are coming to me more frequently and my mum has been telling me she loves me more frequently.this saddens me somehow,knowing that this could be a sign that they realise they're getting older..

and in their own personality,sometimes i can see the different persons inside them too,like how my ayah can one time be such a caring daddy,and sometimes,such a principled professional man who looks at me as is i'm his student whom he has a lot to teach.(let's leave my mak out of this coz,even though she is sometimes strict,its just a matter of seconds before she returns to become my laughing mummy again haha)

talking about split personalities,i've always have this problem of finding what is my true personality,am i more like that or am i more like this etc.its like labelling myself between patient and impatient,i'm not sure to which extent i'm in.and ainul used to call me a hypocrite,because i can act as a different person with different types of people.ouch nul,that hurt,you know.terasse!

well,actually,that trying to be different on certain occasions and functions,well,that's what i call,blending in.=D

i think blending in with different groups of society is everyone's responsibility,you're not a hypocrite if you do that,but simply helping your own self and others.you help your own self by broadening your intellectual ways of thinking,your number of contacts and relationship skills.you help others by giving them the same thing you're giving yourself.humans learn from other humans,theoretically and practically.

each group of society,be it the partaaaaying! type,the happy-go-lucky-i'm-neutral type,or the hardworking-studyholic-dont-kacau-me type have their own strengths and weaknesses and if you constrict yourself to just one group,you'll be constricting your own perceptions to one particular perception,the kind of perceptions created by the people around you.it would be better if you do have your own stand of how you see things,but you are still aware of how others see them too..

and i'm sad to say,i dont see many malay muslims doing this,particularly here in melbourne.sometimes we forget that it's not just the muslims we learn lessons from,but from non muslims too.and sometimes we are aware of this,but only theoretically.practically,we're so used to feeling humbled by other races,thus we tend to be scared to approach them and wonder whether they would like our presence or not.sometimes we know that we should mix with others,but we just dont TRY.yes,the action to TRY,that's what we malay malaysians lack.sometimes we're scared that if we mix with some others,then we'll be influenced by their negative habits and personalities..well,that wouldnt happen if we have our own strong stand right?so its actually not THEIR fault,its OURS.we are not strong enough to face the humans in the world!i can see islamic values in non muslims too,which sometimes they practise the values more that we do.and sometimes i think some people misinterpret islam's teaching of to walk on the face of the earth humbly,as through my observations,some muslims have become humble AND lacking confidence especially in decision making.it's saddening to see how scholars themselves behave like this.

i hope i can make a difference to others' lives.

exam rush

final exam's on the way in two weeks tyme..
wish me luck people..
and oh aleen and fatin,do invite me smula to read your blog.grrr

of friends

EASTER BREAK

DAYS OF JOY AND LAUGHTER

WITH OLD IB FRIENDS FROM ANU

PAOE AND SIANG HANG

BRINGING BACK MEMORIES OF THE OLD DAYS..

MISSING ALL OTHER IB MATES~

XOXO <3

some reflections of what we are..

ahahaha sorry people for late posts..its not that i have been so occupied with stuffs (i'm still an active facebook member) ..its just that i've been having so many things to talk about but then i kept thinking that i should keep them to myself and express to others whom i'll be meeting face to face..get what i mean?and sometimes i try to type them down and they went up to be so long that i decided that its too long for a post so i deleted them again and again.kenapa laaa begini..aleen,fatin,kay,mary i need you to check my essays hmm..

anyway,melbourne is indeed very nice,though nice is too simple for a description.i'm staying in a students apartment, alone,hopefully planning to move out ngn azeem next year and live together kat another block.=) there have been a lot of open houses and a lot of garage sales lately,even yesterday agnes and ze ying went to a garage sale somewhere,and another one they went last two weeks ago.omg the garage sales here are worth it believe me,so people coming to melb,inform me if nk cari cheap stuffs,i know where=)

the days are sometimes hot yeah,but the winds are basically always always cold,so knowing myself yg tak tahan sejuk,i'll bring along a jacket or sweater everytime i go out just in case.but its sooo kering.reminder to others who are coming to any parts of australia:pakai moisturisers and creams and minum banyak air.if in malaysia you drink 8 glasses everyday,try to get ten glasses everyday in aust..insyaAllah water wont kill you ha3.

one thing that kept me thinking..ever since the last few years people have been asking me (i'm not sure whether its randomly or purposely) about whether i'm an extremist or not..even during ib some people come up to me utk tanya zahra you're not an extreme muslim kan?even here in melbourne i got a few people asking me the same thing..

can i get things right..to some future askers and future answerers/explainers..i dont think there should be any labelling between muslims. and i dont agree with muslims saying that they are not an extremist,coz to me, i think if you are a true muslim or if you are trying to be a true muslim, then you should be an extremist.being a muslim simply means penyerahan diri sepenuh penuhnya to the one and only God.isnt that an extreme already?you dont divide any other attention,or purpose or reason for living other than for Allah SWT.and every single day you claim that ibadatku,hidupku,matiku hanyalah utk Allah SWT during your prayers.if you are a true muslim then you should understand what you are saying.and if you understand then you should also mean it,that everything is really is only for Allah SWT.so if everything is for Allah SWT,then that is an enough definition for an extreme kan?everyday,you vow to be an extremist,and so everyday you should berusaha utk menjadi one.

its only when the misguided definition of an extreme muslim happens that we muslims ourselves think that being a lesser extremist is better and more closer to the real meaning of a true muslim.coz if you label terrorists who kill non muslims who havent done them any harm as extremists,that doesnt really show an extremist of islam coz they did not fully embody the islamic moral and teachings which strictly prohibited muslims from endangering non muslims who didn't start the attack,and that attacks on a muslim's part should only be for self defence..coz an extreme muslim would be treating non muslims gently and respectfully coz Allah told us to, and would be telling the truth about everything coz Allah told us to, and would never harm someone else's body and properties coz Allah told us not to, and would help his or her brothers and sisters coz Allah told us to and would only talk when necessary and when it would bring goodness to talk because Alah told us to..these are extremes,coz you only do goodness to other people and to yourself because of Allah,and because you bow to Allah's orders and not to anyone or anything else.everything that you do is not because of a simple lust, instead you develop your lust and your wants and your characteristics/personality in line with what Allah told you to be.i think that's extreme enough, and yes we should be an extreme in seeking and doing goodness.so be proud to be one(and be proud to try to be one).=)

and talking about a true muslim,learning the meaning of Qur'an and hadiths is an obligation for all muslims,so all of us should study and understand what being a muslim stands for, and practice it.we always admire those people who have reverted to Islam,thinking that they have gone through all the thinking and learning processes and finally achieved their best own decision and understanding of the true belief so they have reached a high level of kemanisan iman..but that is actually compulsary for all of us,not just for a non muslim who is seeking the truth but also for us muslims who also should be seeking.

one of the reasons for syirik is because of mengikut the footsteps of nenek moyang.the people of jahiliyyah followed the teachings and actions of their fathers without questioning and thinking...now,what would you do if you're not borned and raised as a muslim?..would you simply follow your parents' religions and beliefs without further studying them?ask yourselves..maybe because you're scared they'd disown you if you convert to another religion or something of your own personal conflicts..

dont you think that if you claim to be a muslim,just because you're borned as one and not because you really understand it and fully practise it,then you'd kinda be just the same as mengikut the footsteps of others and the nenek moyangs which thus means that you're not really a true muslim?...

then you cant just simply claim that you'll get to heaven jugak in the end coz you've already stated the kalimah syahadah and thus you're officially a muslim already. that is truely a lie,you're lying to yourself and to others, but of course never to Allah swt..dont expect much happy endings if you're only a muslim by words and physical..we need to seek it too,not just a non muslim.it is indeed a kewajiban,so dont take it easy.learn.and learn some more..